oy
i tried to think of a clever title for this post.
but then i realized this blog is a diary, so who cares?
i’m sitting on the couch watching dvr-ed general hospital. i’m coming off of four days of being in the hospital. i’m sitting on my couch, half-naked. my apartment is half-cleaned. my dryer is whirring. my apt is half-lit (mostly to prevent the neighbors from seeing me half-naked).
i’m fighting thoughts of why i’m still alone. i’m looking at pictures of my baby cousin’s wedding and admiring pictures of her pregnant sister holding her older brother’s precious baby girl. i’m older than all of them and somehow i’m sitting here alone, with a full life, but still so unattached and un-depended on and feeling as if it’s only a half life.
i feel sad that my only consolations for this lonely life are that i’m attractive and going somewhere in life. and that some people find me funny.
it’s enough, right? to be a doctor, and to have a loving family that is not perfect but one which i can love perfectly, knowing and accepting all their flaws? to not have college or medical school loans, to not have rent but only a maintenance fee to pay, to have most of my income going solely towards vacations, clothes, ordering in, wine, partying? it’s all enough, right?
i think it is.
okay. i think this is enough to wake up tomorrow morning and go to work. it should be.
